By Lupa
One of my pet causes in regards to the pagan community is making sure that even as we gain more acceptance in mainstream society, that we also remain a safe space for marginalized subcultures-the GLBT community (particularly transgendered people facing discrimination from within), polyamorous people, kinky folk, and so forth. After all, one of the reasons I love the pagan community so much is that it feels like safe space to me.
One of the controversies surrounding sexual minorities in the pagan community is whether or not being non-straight, non-vanilla, non-monogamous, or otherwise a sexual minority is a part of being pagan. This is particularly important as the media sheds more light on various subcultures, and people outside of said subcultures start asking more questions. A good example was brought up on the Wild Hunt blog. Blogger Jason Pitzl-Waters referred to a recent Salon.com article which mentioned that thirty percent of polyamorous people polled were pagan (1). Pitzl-Waters remarks that "Are our leaders and organizations ready for questions regarding polyamory? Eventually hostile questions will come, and they will cite this Salon.com article, and we shouldn't be found wanting for a clear, empathetic, and inclusive answer" (2).
It's common knowledge (and a bit of an in-joke) that if you ask ten pagans their opinion on what paganism is, you'll get fifteen different answers. While it may be funny on one level, it can lead to problems in more serious situations. For example, what if the media comes around asking for what the pagan community thinks about-for example-BDSM?
There's no single representative for the entire pagan community. Individual religions have had informal representatives for various issues; witness Selena Fox and Circle Sanctuary working to put pentacles on the graves of Wiccan soldiers who have died in combat (3). There are plenty of Wiccans, though, who may admire this task but not feel that Fox (or any other public figure) accurately represents them as Wiccans. Pagans in general are a group of individualists, and the community has a strong thread of anti-guru sentiment to the point that any sort of central authority is often viewed with suspicion.
Thus it usually falls to pagans in general to represent paganism. The media doesn't always go after authors and elders; most articles covering Pagan Pride and other events have shown a wide variety of people with many levels of experience and backgrounds. Many times the focus is on what the individual believes, rather than paganism as a collective, and the articles tend to display a diversity of pagan beliefs rather than trying to portray an (inaccurately) monolithic religion.
When it comes to controversy, though, there are pagans who try to portray all of pagandom as being a particular (usually as inoffensive as possible) way. While reconstructions of various paleopagan religions have demonstrated that yes, some pagans do still practice animal sacrifice, up until recently it was common for pagans to automatically assert that "Pagans would never do that!" when the topic came up. The same goes for the "we only practice good magic!" line. Most of the pernicious stereotypes have been debunked by those who aren't strictly white light about their practice, but who aren't just bored teenagers with a copy of the Necronomicon in one hand and the neighbor's cat in the other.
Sex, however, complicates things. America, at least, is an incredibly sex-phobic culture which treats sex in some of the most immature manners possible-act like it's dirty, and then either avoid it or treat it like some evil taboo to be broken. While the pagan community as a whole is a lot more relaxed about sex than, say, fundamentalist Christianity, we haven't managed to weed out all the kneejerk reactions to S-E-X.
Let's use kink as an example. Jennifer Hunter interviewed a number of pagans, both well-known and not, for her 2004 book Rites of Pleasure: Sexuality in Wicca and Neopaganism. She included a chapter on BDSM and related magic, and while she did a wonderful job of covering the topic, a couple of her survey respondents displayed less than positive opinions. One person said "I personally do not believe in 'cross-wiring' the pain and pleasure centers of my brain, and feel is it healthier to keep them separate" (4).
Another, while personally supporting BDSM, said that she had encountered pagans who perpetuated the idea that "The link between sex and violence is a patriarchal construction" (5).
These attitudes are found elsewhere. A few years ago, Wren's Nest, which compiles pagan-related news articles from around the 'net, posted a link to an article about the growth of Wicca that ran in a gay newspaper. While the article itself is no more, the blurb provided mentioned, in the first paragraph, a "woman at the BDSM workshop wearing a pentacle".
One of the very first replies to the article stated that "I didn't become a pagan to become an advocate for what someone else does in the bedroom" (6). Another complained that "I do not like strangers making assumptions about my alleged sexual practices based on the wild postulations of BDSM Media Hounds who also happen to be Pagan" (7). This sounds very much like Christians who try to force pro-homosexual opinions out of their respective churches because they don't want people thinking they're gay, too.
The latter comment continues, "BDSM is a sexual practice, not an orientation. It does not dictate innate sexual identity, nor does it affect what kind of person/gender one is attracted to." (8) (Youmay notice a similarity between this quote and the "cross-wiring" one above which assumes that it's a choice to mix pain and pleasure.) This attitude is unfortunately prevalent across the board. While homosexuality has for the most part thrown off the connotations of "choosing to be a pervert", BDSM and other fetishes are still all too often seen as voluntary. As someone who has been decidedly kinky pretty much from puberty onward, I can say for sure that it is not something I chose-it's hard-wired into who I am as much as my sexual orientation. I think many kinky folks would agree to at least some extent. While for some, kink is a voluntary adventure to spice up the bedroom, many kinky people didn't just up and decide one day to be kinky. Instead, the kink has been under the surface, and the people have simply been waiting for the right partner(s) to explore it with. The person who formerly exhibited vanilla sexual behavior and then "changes" into a kinky person is similar to the closeted gay or bisexual who finally decides to come out. It's not that there aren't any people who consciously choose in either case; many of us are just made this way for whatever reasons.
This isn't to say that sexual minorities are blameless. I can understand the backlash that heterosexual, monogamous, vanilla pagans may exhibit. I've heard of monogamous couples who had to make it very clear to poly pagans that no, they weren't at all interested in playing. And the bisexual pagan is a stereotype in and of itself. Sometimes it might feel like being a straight couple with no kinks makes one a minority among pagans!
However, if I'm being a kinky pagan, and you're not, you don't have to participate. If you're in a situation where someone is pushing their sexuality on you (regardless of what sort of sexuality it is), then you have the right to complain and do something about it. However, holding a workshop that discusses BDSM and magic doesn't count as pushing sexuality on you (unless you're a captive audience). Neither does a play workshop in a closed-off, monitored area. A same-sex couple, or a triad, walking around holding hands and kissing isn't oppressing you. Neither is the person who chooses to wear a collar as a sign of hir commitment to hir partner(s).
The final thought I'd like to make is that, when talking to the media about paganism, it's important to make sure that whoever you're talking to knows that paganism is a collective of many diverse beliefs and religions, and that what you do is individual to you, not all pagans. This is regardless of whether you're talking about sexuality, views of the Divine, or the practice of magic. You may not like kinky pagans, or left hand path followers, or fluffbunnies-but you do a disservice to the community as a whole when you make it out as if they don't count as real pagans. No, the pagan community isn't a popularity contest or a place to get your ego stroked. But one of the reasons a lot of people like paganism is because of its social inclusiveness. This doesn't mean that we only chose paganism because we felt welcome, but it is a definite perk.
And understand that in as diverse a community as paganism, you will get all kinds. There are liberal pagans and conservative pagans, Republicans and Democrats, cisgendered and transgendered, and pagans of all races and ethnicities. For some people, these other subcultures become a part of their spiritual paths. Kink and other minority sexual orientations may not be a part of your paganism-but they're a part of mine. Everything in my life flows together; I don't keep everything neatly pigeonholed. And no, I didn't become a pagan just to support your vanilla, heterosexual, monogamous sexual practices-but I'll support them anyway. However, I also support my right to be open about the fact that I am a kink magician, and that this is an active part of my practice and spirituality as a pagan.
(1) Langley, Liz (2007). Whole Lotta Love. Retrieved 15 June, 2007 from http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2007/06/14/polyamory/index_np.html.
(2) Pitzl-Waters, Jason (2007). Paganism and Polyamory. Retrieved 15 June, 2007 from http://www.wildhunt.org/2007/06/paganism-and-polyamory.html.
(3) The Associated Press (2007). Wiccan pentacle will finally mark fallen soldiers' graves. http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/05/27/memorialday.wiccans.ap/index.html
(4) Sylvia, Dave (2004). From Hunter, Jennifer (2004). Rites of Pleasure: Sexuality in Wicca and NeoPaganism. New York: Citadel, p. 159.
(5) Honeyblossom (2004). From Hunter, Jennifer (2004). Rites of Pleasure: Sexuality in Wicca and NeoPaganism. New York: Citadel, p. 151.
(6) Rev. Styx (2003). Paganism is not an Alternative Lifestyle! [Comment to main article]. Retrieved 15 June, 2007 from http://www.witchvox.com/wren/wn_detaila.html?id=7893&offset=30.
(7) Steph (2003). Keep BDSM Out of It!!! [Comment to main article]. Retrieved 15 June, 2007 from http://www.witchvox.com/wren/wn_detaila.html?id=7893&offset=15.
(8) Steph (2003).
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